Is that a pen in my back or are you just critiquing me?

As a writer I want to improve my work, really. But occasionally when I receive a crit of my stuff from a fellow writer I want to screech and throw a temper tantrum reminiscent of a two year old. Why IS that?

I’ve only rarely had a critique from someone that was downright mean-spirited, and yet I still feel like doing someone an injury sometimes.

To all the writers who’ve critted before… (do a Willie and Julio visual for me here)

1. Okay… if I put a date in there… PLEASE for my sanity if not your own health…make a note of it.
2. If you talk about my characters and use their names, please spell them correctly.
3. If you correct my grammar or spelling, be right. Don’t guess. If it looks wrong but you don’t have a dictionary handy - then just put a comment in.
4. If you have questions about the story - include them. If it confuses you, I need to know. I promise I won’t inflict bodily harm on you. Well, not too much.
5. Do not tell me my story is boring. Tell me WHY my story is boring. Is the pacing slow? How do I fix it? Help me out here!
6. Hell, I’m know I’m the original “that” girl. Nope - not the Marlo Thomas one. The other one. ”Fred jumped through a hoop that was swirling madly that bounced against a tree that flew threw the air….” You get the idea. I’m not quite that bad (there’s the word again) but almost…at least in first drafts. I apologize already - just make a note and move on.
7. Give me some balance in your comments. Pretty please with sugar on it? Like “This works for me, but that doesn’t.” Damn it. I said that again. :sigh: Writing a rough draft sucks.

Yes, I know, I’m whining. At least someone is WILLING to read my stuff in really rough form. I am grateful for every critique given in a kind spirit, but please remember, you are carving on something I just gave birth to - metaphorically. If a Rabbi said ‘oops’ during a bris, I can guarantee you the parents would get a tiny bit testy. Okay?

Thank you. I return you to your reading….