Plot Cliches 3 - "To Do" list of the Evil Bitch Other Woman

Now we all need a villain. Who better than a gorgeous, sophisticated but shallow other woman. The bitch! But the Evil Bitch Other Woman has an agenda. Torturing the heroine both mentally and physically are at the top of that "To Do" list. So here it is...

The “To Do” list of every evil bitch other woman…

1. Lock the heroine into a dank and gloomy, dungeon, attic, wine cellar or other musty cobweb filled location.
2. Tell the heroine she is ugly, fat, skinny, short, or gawky so she feels inferior to my physical perfection and desirability.
3. Slip into the hero’s bed nude while he is showering, just in time for the heroine to burst into the room to talk to him.
4. Make sure the hero sees I’m really a bitch so he can fall more in love with the heroine.
5. Claim to be pregnant with the hero's baby.
6. Go shopping with the hero and heroine. Flirt with the hero to get him to buy me furs, designer clothes and jewelry, while the heroine reluctantly yet meekly accepts the hero’s lordly gift offerings, thereby offering the hero a clear comparison between the golddigger (me) and the woman who loves him for himself (the heroine).

These are just a few overused ideas which drive readers nuts. However, just like the hero and heroine list , I've seen authors use these cliches and really fly with them. I knew they were a cliche, but I bought it anyway. And yes, I admit it. I've used them myself. Who among us is without sin on this point? No one. Feel free to add more cliches to the comment section.

Plot Cliches Part Deux - Heroes too stupid to live…

I’m all about equal rights or in this case equal stupidity. Today let us visit heroes who should be removed from the gene pool, preferably by drowning.

Things I’d do if I were a hero too stupid to live…

1. Order the heroine around instead of talking to her as if she possesses a brain capable of cognitive functioning.
2. Assume any male she has a conversation with, or hugs, is her lover, when it is more likely he is her brother (or father).
3. Kidnap the heroine to have her all to myself for no apparent reason (other than as a plot device).
4. View the heroine as a whore because she is sexually active, but praise past lovers as vibrant sensual women.
5. Refuse to tell the heroine I think she’s hot, even though I get a hard on every time she’s in the same room with me.
6. Keep some deep dark secret from the heroine because a.) I want to protect her. b.) I don’t think she’d understand.

That’s just a few to get you started. Feel free to list your pet peeves for heroes in the comment section. Tomorrow, the evil bitch other woman’s “To Do” list…

Plot Cliches - heroines too stupid to live

I put out a chapter or two for critique. At one point (fortunately it was one comment about one thing), my critter said “if your heroine says this she is too stupid to live,” or words to that effect. It got me thinking about plot cliches. We’ve all read them. It doesn’t matter which genre you read or write, cliches abound.

I remember running across a great Web site a few years back (a LOT of years back, but who’s counting). The first time I read it, I was laughing so hard tears rolled down my cheeks and I managed to make it to the bathroom before peeing my pants, but it was a near thing. I don’t go quite that silly over it anymore, but it still has the power to make me laugh. Visit ”The Top 100 Things I’d Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord” by Peter Anspach and you will begin to understand the mental workings of an evil genius.

In the spirit of the Evil Overlord and as a nod to my critique partner, here is my start to a new compilation list:

Things I’d do if I were a heroine too stupid to live…

1. Who cares about condoms? STDs or pregnancy have no power over me.
2. I solemnly promise to disappear pregnant with the hero’s baby without bothering to ask the hero if what the evil bitch other woman told me was true.
3. I shall allow a minor misunderstanding to become a major issue, when a simple conversation would have cleared matters up on page 10.
4. I will always believe that a man who treats me like crap is a wounded soul who will be made whole solely because I love him.
5. His overprotective mother will love me someday - ditto on dad.
6. If the hero’s overly controlling father offers me money to get out of his life, I'll take it. He deserves someone better than me anyway. codicil: If he truly loves me, he’ll hunt me down someday.
7. If I have a deep dark secret, I will allow some asshole to hold it over my head so that I betray the man I love (aka- the hero). After all, he’ll forgive me because he loves me.

These are just a few. Feel free to add on your own and be thinking. Coming soon to a blog near you, actions of a hero too stupid to live!