Fab PSA about the importance of women voting in the upcoming election!

BDSM for Writers workshop - part 1

This past August, I had the wonderful opportunity to visit New York City to attend an intensive, hands-on BDSM for Writers workshop conducted by sexologist Dr. Charley Ferrer. The workshop started in earnest on Friday, but I flew in on Wednesday so I could do some research/sight seeing. I'll talk more about that aspect of my trip in other blog posts - I took enough pictures to fill a scrapbook.

So on Thursday evening, several of us (Cris Anson and Kathy Kulig) arranged to meet Dr. Charley and her assistant to go out to supper. I have to say it was VERY cool to actually know some of the other participants already. Cris and Kathy are wonderful women and talented EC authors, so it was natural to hang out with them during the workshop. It was a wonderful surprise to meet Dr. Charley. Not that I was surprised she'd be there - I mean she was presenting the workshop of course she was there - but rather I immediately felt a comfort and connection with Dr. Charley. I have to tell you, she's funny, smart, tough as nails and sweet by turns. And when she gets a certain wicked glint in her eye, well...damn, look out. She's got some plans for you!

That first night, I got to try on some metal cuffs and a metal collar. It was an interesting experience too. You'll notice in the picture above there IS a lock on that thing - right in the center front. At first I was a little nervous about that, but I felt an immediate trust of Dr. Charley so I knew that there was nothing to fear with her around. In fact, the entire weekend was like that. It felt like having a guardian angel or a protector very close all the time.

A group of us wandered out of the hotel to find a pub for supper. At supper we talked about what to expect from the workshop and about BDSM - the lifestyle and how it's portrayed in fiction. It was a great meal and so good to talk with Charley.

The following day the workshop was launched in earnest. I met the other attendees, who were all very nice. Like usual, I started out kind of shy.But as the day continued, I think I loosened up. Dr. Charley covered BDSM basics during the day to help prepare us for the trip to Paddles - a BDSM club in NYC - that evening. Some things covered were familiar to me, some things were new. One thing that surprised me (and that I'll need to incorporate into my stories) is that while the sub experiences an endorphin rush which ultimately leads to a state not unlike being drunk, a dominant experiences an adrenalin rush which has them bouncing off the walls. That fascinated me and definitely impacts how I write.

I was intrigued by the idea of importance of ritual in a BDSM relationship. Ritual is important for both the submissive and dominant to allow themselves to get into the right mindset for a scene. Ritual reinforces the relationship and increases intimacy. That wasn't something I really considered and it was a great thing to learn.

Another point Dr. Charley emphasized was that the Dom/me sets up rules - specific rules - and must correct the sub until those rules are followed exactly. The sub should practice until he/she has things right. Training is designed to teach the sub what the Dom/me expects from them so they learn how to behave. She also told us that a Dom/me should always follow through on threats. If the Dom/me says something will be a consequence of disobedience, then it had better be a consequence. Otherwise, the submissive knows they can disobey at will and there will be no consequences for their behavior.

She also mentioned that at a club, Dom/mes often sit and observe. They watch how a sub plays with others, how they behave, and how they accept rejection. This was very relevant because that very evening, we would be visiting a BDSM club. For me, it was definitely my first time at such a club and it was quite the eye opener. I'll discuss the Friday night visit to Paddles next Tuesday.

My Memories of Angelo

If you follow EC authors on Facebook and Twitter, you all know that a beloved Caveman, Angelo was killed in Dallas last weekend.

I admit freely I did not know this young man well - not even as well as I would have liked. But what I knew, I liked very well indeed. In fact, I adored him. He was sweet, funny, a magnetic leader, and gave the best damn hugs ever. He also had a warm heart and genuinely liked people - women in particular - and we all knew it.

For myself, the first year I went to Romanticon was also Romanticon's first year. I was new to EC and scared to death. Nervous about all the other authors. Intimidated by meeting the staff. And frankly apprehensive about approaching or getting anywhere near men who were just that unbelievably good looking. See, my experience with good looking men has not been positive. I've often found them to be, at best, distant and cool, and at worst, derisive and condescending. The cavemen weren't like that - they were nice guys. I was pretty shocked and pleasantly surprised.

In particular, Angelo was different. He stood out. He kind of had to. He was a REALLY tall guy. Broad shouldered. Just big. Still kind of intimidating for me at first, but he had a really nice smile. And it was a smile he seemed to mean. So like all the women there, I started circling around him like he was the sun and we were satellites in orbit around him.

That first year he seemed a little shy. Kind of cautious. I think he was still working things out for himself. Or maybe I just assumed that, I'm not sure. But that tiny hint of shyness made him seem more approachable. So I got him to sign my book, which he did. In Spanish. At that point, I just started to hang out in his area. I hope the poor guy didn't find me stalker-ish. It was just that he fascinated me. Grin.

The next year, Angelo was the leader. He seemed more outgoing - though that was probably how he always was anyway - it just stood out from the first year. Angelo was also the life of the party. And every lady present followed him around like he was a rock star. Well, he kind of was. He had that sort of magnetism.

In fact, I remember at one point he started a conga line and we all got behind him and followed him all over the room - he was a regular pied piper. I caught his arm and tugged him down so he could hear me (he was wearing these incredibly HIGH platform boots that were part of his costume for the evening) and I told him that if he could get me to run around the room and work up a sweat, he really ought to consider pursuing a career as a personal trainer. When I heard later on that he'd done that, I wasn't at all surprised. He really was a natural. I think he was already helping his friends with work outs, and maybe he had planned it all along. But if he needed any encouragement, I hope my words that night provided some.

Last year, I was thrilled to see Angelo again and when he saw me, he knew what was coming  and just grinned, opening his arms to give me a big bear hug. I loved that about him. He didn't give me the impression that my affection for him was an imposition in any way. He smiled instead. Took in the affection I felt and returned it in good measure. I can't remember how many hugs I got last year and the year before, but I cherish every one of them.

The picture at right was the last hug I got from Angelo. It was after the bingo party on Sunday night. Some of us were kind of reluctant to leave and he and Rodney stayed until the last of us drifted away to head for our rooms. I was really looking forward to seeing him again this year. When I heard he wasn't going to be able to attend, I was sad I wouldn't get to see him, but so happy to hear he was thriving with his new gym and the life he had in Dallas.

Learning the news a week ago that he'd been murdered was horrible. He was so young and had so much yet to give. So much yet to do. I just can't quite get my head around it. I want to say that my heart goes out to his family and close friends who had the good fortune to know this amazing man so well. I wish them the best during this really difficult time. I can only hope it's some consolation - however small it might be - to know in the outpouring of grief and sadness of others just how many lives he touched. Because he did.

I'm reminded of the line from "It's a Wonderful Life," where the angel, Clarence says to George, "Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?" Clarence was so right. Angelo touched so many lives that his passing leaves an awful hole. But those who knew him will always have the joy of having known a kind, genuine person who looked like an angel and had the soul of one, too. Good bye, sweet man. I'll miss you now and forever more. 


**Note**
Angelo was not only working to support himself, but a son, and family in Venezuela. The family could use some assistance with funeral expenses. To contribute to the fund to help Angelo's family, without worrying about scams go here:  http://www.rubenfund.com/
There you'll find the PayPal account set up for donations.

Short but really sweet

This moment brought tears to my eyes and the eyes of most everyone who saw it. Go Gabby!

Electrifying Speechifying

Okay, I try not to be too political here on my blog. If you want that go friend me on facebook. Grin. But I HAVE to talk about last night and the quality of speeches at the DNC convention this week. I would vote for Bill Clinton all over again and Michelle Obama was an inspiration. My greatest hope for 2016? A Clinton/Obama ticket. Hillary and Michelle. Wow. Talk about the Dream Team.

But last night? Bill Clinton OWNED Charlotte and the DNC.  If you don't believe me, watch this... (And remember he went OFF script and riffed and improv-ed his way through this thing!)

4 1/2 Stars from RT.

Now I can share digitally! RT Book Reviews gave Alpha vs. Alpha a 4 1/2 star review!!!! http://www.rtbookreviews.com/book-review/alpha-vs-alpha

I'm really thrilled they liked the book. It gives me so much motivation to finish the next one! Grin.

Blog guest at Romantic Times!

Hi everyone,
   I'm super excited! I'm a guest blogger at the Romantic Times Book Reviews blog. I'm talking about Who's on top when two Alpha shapeshifters face off based on my book Alpha vs. Alpha. AvA received a 4 1/2 star review from RT in the August 2012 issue of the magazine too.

Stop by to share your thoughts!
http://www.rtbookreviews.com/rt-daily-blog/francesca-hawley-tells-us-who-top-when-its-alpha-versus-alpha

Thanks,
Francesca